Ireland, huh?

Hmmmm, I have the possible opportunity of working in Ireland this summer. Sounds pretty exciting. I'm not sure anybody would want to hire me for only four months, but it's a risk a girl's gotta take, right? It feels kind of crazy, it's all happening so fast. There are no guarantees about any of this, but I just can't spend another summer in the same place.

yes, it was traveling, by being in Scotland, but I always chose the safe choice. The tiny island that I'd visited again and again and again. Well, no more! This time I'm going to get out there and see the Irish side!

I'm so excited. I have friends there, that I'd be living with, and we could go to good ol Irish pubs, travel through Wicklow, see the cliffs of Mohr....the possibilities are endless.

Now it's just time to book the flights!

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

I think I can be organized this year.

I think I can.

No guarantees. Getting back to school has been non-stop. I've been meeting all my new residents, helping new move-ins, welcoming back old residents, going to RA training sessions... it's all been quite busy.

But this semester will be different. Assignments will be done on time. Readings will be done before classes. The gym will be a week-daily visit. RA programs will be planned, and not spur of the moment. Things will be different.

Is this what people always say at the beginning of a new year?

Maybe. Probably. But, even if it is, does that mean it isn't worthwhile trying?

I don't think so.

I think the effort predicts the path. So, here you go path, effort is going to kick some ass!

Seattle in all it's glory!

Okay, so clearly the whole blogging thing has been on the back burner for a few months, but to be fair, I've had a damn busy half a year! First the world tour, back to school, new job, new internship.... did I come up for air?

Not often.

So, a recap of the last week. The BB (best bud) and I went to Seattle for a week, and I've not had so much fun for such a long time! We had some crazy adventures. There was the cabaret show (in which I got involved in, lol), the 80's New Years Eve, the Australian aristocrat (yuk), the markets, the 'American Hike', and so much fun.

BB and I have never traveled together before. I was quite honestly a little nervous. I mean, every other time I've traveled with friends, well it's turned out less than pleasant at times. But with BB, we never argued, never got pissy with each other. We had fun, we made the best of situations, we didn't stress each other, and we just took each moment as it came. Flexibility is key people!

So, back from Seattle, and it honestly feels like a bit of a low! I mean, 7 days of excitement, adventures and new experiences. What am I going back to? Well, I most likely am not continuing with university. I think college is more the arena for my personality. So what's the plan? Work my ass off. If I've only got 4 months left, then they're going to be the best 4 months of my academic career. I want to leave on my own terms.

On my own terms.

Goodbye adventure of Seattle, but hello to the welcome of a challenge: change.

Wish me luck.

Things I Love

In honour of Meg Fowler, here is the list of things I love.

Sweat pants
The post-gym high
jumping out of planes
espresso
my cat-Frodo
travel
lying in bed on a sunday morning and just reading my book
gossiping with friends
feeling safe
blowing bubbles
my best friend
jeans that don't shrink
ghost stories
feeling strong
chick flicks
rainy days
fresh snow
bare feet in green grass

Gut Wrenching Fear

Okay, so it's been forever and a day since I wrote on the blog, but then again, everyone has been getting group e-mails, so...deal!

I'm dealing with a problem here. A gut wrenching fear kind of problem. I decided to go bungy jumping, or more accurately, canyon swinging! www.canyonswing.co.nz

it's a scary prospect. I have reoccuring dreams in which I'm falling to my death. I always wake up before I hit the ground, but still! Falling. And Falling. And more falling.

So, why am I going bungy jumping? Supposedly to get over my fear. But, I feel like an idiot at the moment! My family has told me, oh don't worry about the money, if you don't want to do it, don't! Fair enough. But, I do kind of want to do it. I really do, cause I know that it'll be the best thing ever, after I've done it. It's just that, it'll be falling. Which is the point! I can be such a dumbass at times, but I am pretty scared. What is that saying? There is no courage without fear?

So, I need to get me some courage.

Watch this space.

Dadeo

Friday night. 8:20ish. I'm sitting in this diner called Dadeo's with my ladies from Res. when I look out the window for just that second and see him. It was him.

But really it wasn't. A double take proved that it wasn't. But just for that second, I thought it was, and all these memories started flying back. A feeling. A laugh. A smile. A sarcastic reparte. A bond over unintelligible words. Music. Concerts. Pictures. Travel. All the conversations we had, including the fight. Well, if you can call it a fight. A silent parting of ways was more like it.

I remember the last night. The hug I didn't give. The things I wanted to say. I wanted to say it wasn't me. I didn't, because I wasn't sure he'd believe me. I didn't want to be distrusted. So I said nothing. We said goodbye. I left. I walked the way home with a pink shoebox in my hands.

There were a few tears, but they were silent. One thought went through my head over and over. I'm missing out on this wonderful person. He's missing out on me. We're knowingly missing out on each other.

And so it happened.

I'd rarely thought about it. Until Friday night.

Two nights later, and my dreams are filled with that look, that smile, that laugh.

The thought that keeps going round my head, which hadn't since that night, is I'm missing out on him. He's missing out on me.

We're missing out on each other.

Lest we forget...

Normally 'lest we forget' is uttered around Remembrance Day, but I find it more potent in the case of the Virginia Tech school shooting. I am shocked and disturbed that it's happened again, this time the worst ever. But, then again, why shouldn't it? The problem hasn't been solved, and maybe never will.

I remember where I was during the Columbine shooting. I was on a synchronized swimming competition tour, and we were all huddled on the bed in the hotel room watching the news. I could only have been 12 or something, but I remember it vividly. I remember they played the recorded phone call of the teacher calling 911, and hearing the fear in her voice screaming at the kids to get under the desks. It was the kind of scream that goes under your skin. I've only heard one scream like that in my personal life....and I never want to relive that night.

The idea of innocent people just being murdered, well it makes you realize how intense the pain was that these people must have been going through. I'm not saying that's the right outlet, no way, no how. But something is wrong. And we're not fixing it. For the few years after Columbine, schools were big on the security issue, and trying to ensure weapons weren't entering school. But that wasn't the issue, really. If someone wants to cause pain, then they will. But the focus should have been on the kids state of mind. They had 'zero tolerance' policies, but did they actually offer the needed attention to some of these kids? Probably not. There is always the odd teacher that is there for any student, and goes the extra mile, but generally no. It's not their fault, it's nobody's fault, but how do we fix it.

I don't mean to sound pretentious, if that's what this sounds like. I don't have the answers. I wish I did. But I know that it hurts when this happens. My sympathies go out to the poor families and friends of the victims.

Ideally I'd never like to read about this sort of stuff again.

But I know I will.