Dadeo

Friday night. 8:20ish. I'm sitting in this diner called Dadeo's with my ladies from Res. when I look out the window for just that second and see him. It was him.

But really it wasn't. A double take proved that it wasn't. But just for that second, I thought it was, and all these memories started flying back. A feeling. A laugh. A smile. A sarcastic reparte. A bond over unintelligible words. Music. Concerts. Pictures. Travel. All the conversations we had, including the fight. Well, if you can call it a fight. A silent parting of ways was more like it.

I remember the last night. The hug I didn't give. The things I wanted to say. I wanted to say it wasn't me. I didn't, because I wasn't sure he'd believe me. I didn't want to be distrusted. So I said nothing. We said goodbye. I left. I walked the way home with a pink shoebox in my hands.

There were a few tears, but they were silent. One thought went through my head over and over. I'm missing out on this wonderful person. He's missing out on me. We're knowingly missing out on each other.

And so it happened.

I'd rarely thought about it. Until Friday night.

Two nights later, and my dreams are filled with that look, that smile, that laugh.

The thought that keeps going round my head, which hadn't since that night, is I'm missing out on him. He's missing out on me.

We're missing out on each other.

Lest we forget...

Normally 'lest we forget' is uttered around Remembrance Day, but I find it more potent in the case of the Virginia Tech school shooting. I am shocked and disturbed that it's happened again, this time the worst ever. But, then again, why shouldn't it? The problem hasn't been solved, and maybe never will.

I remember where I was during the Columbine shooting. I was on a synchronized swimming competition tour, and we were all huddled on the bed in the hotel room watching the news. I could only have been 12 or something, but I remember it vividly. I remember they played the recorded phone call of the teacher calling 911, and hearing the fear in her voice screaming at the kids to get under the desks. It was the kind of scream that goes under your skin. I've only heard one scream like that in my personal life....and I never want to relive that night.

The idea of innocent people just being murdered, well it makes you realize how intense the pain was that these people must have been going through. I'm not saying that's the right outlet, no way, no how. But something is wrong. And we're not fixing it. For the few years after Columbine, schools were big on the security issue, and trying to ensure weapons weren't entering school. But that wasn't the issue, really. If someone wants to cause pain, then they will. But the focus should have been on the kids state of mind. They had 'zero tolerance' policies, but did they actually offer the needed attention to some of these kids? Probably not. There is always the odd teacher that is there for any student, and goes the extra mile, but generally no. It's not their fault, it's nobody's fault, but how do we fix it.

I don't mean to sound pretentious, if that's what this sounds like. I don't have the answers. I wish I did. But I know that it hurts when this happens. My sympathies go out to the poor families and friends of the victims.

Ideally I'd never like to read about this sort of stuff again.

But I know I will.

3 Weeks Today

My friend, C, called me today, and told me it's three weeks today that we leave for our trip. It both scares and excites me. It's so little time considering I've got exams to do, however it's been 6 years coming. When we worked at the dreaded dry cleaners together, we dreamed of this trip, but in a very blase way. It was always a dream, but in three weeks it's reality. Scary notion.

We start off in the UK, then off to Spain, Greece, Italy, Austria, Czech Republic, Germany, Netherlands, and France. It's the trip of a lifetime, and it's here. Now. 3 weeks.

Breathe.

Snow Patrol x2

I have officially been to the best concert of my entire life. Twice!

I went the Monday night with my cousin, and the next night I went with my French friend. It was so much fun. Not only was there one band, but two openings as well. OK Go, the band that does the treadmill video, were one of the openers. They even did a dance, but sadly no treadmills!!! Snow Patrol were awesome. They played all the songs from Eyes Open and quite a few from Final Straw.

I even maintain, although this may be contested, that the bass player and I made serious eye contact. (smile!)

All in all, great two nights.